After re-committing my life to Christ for the 19th time, I decided to complete a 40 day fast. Why? Prominent Christians practiced 40 day fasts, and I wanted to write a book. Very literally, I desired fame and fortune. I thought I'd achieve those through writing about such an experience. 40 hours into my suffering, I surrendered with an empty stomach but a gut bursting with guilt and shame. I thought I failed God, the church, and all those poor souls otherwise deprived of reading my book. Heaven mourned the loss. Hell rejoiced the victory. I shredded those few journal entries that evening and sobbed through mouthfuls of Taco Bell and Mountain Dew Baja Blast.
Before entering the 40-Days-Desert, I fell headlong into all its temptations: living by beef and potato burritos rather than God-words, putting God to the test by recklessly wandering into the desert, and worshiping my ego rather than God alone. Jesus resisted the burritos and worshiped (not tested) God alone all the way through the 40-Days-Desert. He achieved this on the back end of the 40 days, and I failed on the front end.
How?
Every time I ask this question, I receive, "Cause he was the Son of God," which is irritating because it completely dismisses Jesus' desert process and fixates on the accomplishment. It transforms Jesus into a juggernaut Messiah that can conquer anything, cause he's God's Son. It also severs any connection we might find with Jesus in the reality of his suffering.
Since I affirm the Chalcedonian Creed, I must believe that "Cause he was the Son of God," is only half the answer. So, how does Jesus, being truly man, successfully traverse the 40-Days-Desert? It's rooted in the emptying of his ego. The constant rejection of the temptation to be something and the simultaneous embrace of the blessing of nothingness.
Humanity's journey to God begins and ends with this same self-emptying. For 40 Days, Jesus emptied his body of food and nourishment. Then, the tempter offered him the opportunity to empty his ego and become a vessel of nothing for God to fill. God calls us all to take this path, but too often we give into the temptations before we ever leave. We are comfortable in Egypt and carry no desire to wander through the desert. We can't see God delivering us into the promised land, and so we grumble and doubt. Whatever our case, we care more for the great "I" of the ego and less about God and neighbor. We care more for our problems and our needs and our perspectives. This is really the sin of all humanity.
The 40-Days-Desert can cure our ego problem, but only if we set out to destroy 'I'. That's why we observe Lent: to wander through the blessing of self-emptying and finally embrace nothingness. We recognize that Jesus laid down a path, and we ought follow him.
Since I affirm the Chalcedonian Creed, I must believe that "Cause he was the Son of God," is only half the answer. So, how does Jesus, being truly man, successfully traverse the 40-Days-Desert? It's rooted in the emptying of his ego. The constant rejection of the temptation to be something and the simultaneous embrace of the blessing of nothingness.
Humanity's journey to God begins and ends with this same self-emptying. For 40 Days, Jesus emptied his body of food and nourishment. Then, the tempter offered him the opportunity to empty his ego and become a vessel of nothing for God to fill. God calls us all to take this path, but too often we give into the temptations before we ever leave. We are comfortable in Egypt and carry no desire to wander through the desert. We can't see God delivering us into the promised land, and so we grumble and doubt. Whatever our case, we care more for the great "I" of the ego and less about God and neighbor. We care more for our problems and our needs and our perspectives. This is really the sin of all humanity.
The 40-Days-Desert can cure our ego problem, but only if we set out to destroy 'I'. That's why we observe Lent: to wander through the blessing of self-emptying and finally embrace nothingness. We recognize that Jesus laid down a path, and we ought follow him.
Each Lenten season, I reflect on my experience with laughter and embarrassment. I laugh because of my eternal need for trophies to decorate my ego. Seeking spiritual disciplines for self-gain and self-promotion is as backwards as pulling up your pants to pee. I feel embarrassment because of my level of narcissism and immaturity at the time. I only knew how to serve Jesus by serving myself in the process, and Jesus knew to serve us by emptying himself. To a large degree, I still only know how to serve Jesus by serving myself. Amen?
As we enter the 40-Days-Desert and wander our way to Easter, I pray that we might embrace nothingness like Christ. I pray that we might wander through the blessing of self-emptying. I pray that we see our eternal need to self-serve and God's eternal plea to other-serve. I pray that what we 'give-up' or sacrifice is not strictly novel, but I pray instead that it intentionally encourages emptiness and otherness. I pray, then, at the end of our wandering, the angels would minister to us, and God fill us with the Spirit.
As we enter the 40-Days-Desert and wander our way to Easter, I pray that we might embrace nothingness like Christ. I pray that we might wander through the blessing of self-emptying. I pray that we see our eternal need to self-serve and God's eternal plea to other-serve. I pray that what we 'give-up' or sacrifice is not strictly novel, but I pray instead that it intentionally encourages emptiness and otherness. I pray, then, at the end of our wandering, the angels would minister to us, and God fill us with the Spirit.
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